eEvil Ink Design

Villainy General Store

2011-08-17T09:58:00.000-07:00

Villainy General Store is not just a gift shop, it’s an “old timey” general store, but with a twist to meet the needs of the industrious urbanite.

What gives with the name Villainy?

In this world where faceless corporations are supposed to be the "good guys," we have decided to be the anti-heroes, the "villains" -if you will. We're happy to don the cape, hat and moustache. And not just because it looks much better than a red and blue unitard (although, that's a part of it) but because we're the under dog, the little guys, we're your "mom & pop store." We're happy to stand up for our neighborhood and be counted, we just don't want to be number 2.

What will we sell?

Briefly, we'll offer such items as: cast iron skillets, simple cookbooks, rolls of vintage fabrics, vintage wallpaper, various art supplies…

In addition we will also carry a few essential dry goods such as: organic coffee, tea, flour, even pan cake mix…anything we can stuff in a barrel! Old fashioned penny candy! We’ll sell working antiques such as type-writers, incandescent light-bulbs, 3-D stereoscopes, antique tools, cool old door knobs, hand cranked juicers, basic necessities...duct tape (various colors), hooks, nail and even hammers!

Everything from twine to tea-kettles to real maple syrup: unique toys and modern contraption-type gifts to hand screened tee shirts made in the back room, we will also offer our complete line of eEvil Ink Design.

"Buy Echo Park, for Echo Park."

Wait, who & what the hell is eEvil Ink Design?

We started eEvil Ink Design near the rusty shores of Silver Lake Reservoir back in 2003 selling our own brand of humorous greeting cards, tee shirts, journals and other gifts & novelties, "Trader Joe's Parking Lot Survivor" grocery bags. www.eevil.org

All of eEvil Ink Design products are based in fearless, clean design and edgy, uniquely humorous writing. For example, we make "Breakup cards," for when you breakup with somebody: black cards, white text, that’s it. No pictures, just text, “Your band sucked anyway.”

It has always been our goal to open our own, “brick & mortar” store in combination with an online store. Likes we says, Villainy General Store will not only offer eEvil Ink Design products, but other products as well, including local artists of Echo Park, The Silvered Lake, Los Feliz (The Happy) and of course, downtown LA, Boyle heights, etc...

Please contact us if you are a local artist/artisan who is interested in setting up a consignment deal, or if you have any suggestions for our store...

Thanks and
SEE YOU IN SEPTEMBER !!

2010-04-25T21:03:00.000-07:00

THANKS EVERYONE!!

Thanks to everyone who visited our booth and more thanks to all of you who purchased our eEvil products at the UNIQUE LA show this past weekend! It was splendid to meet you all...

There are so many eEvil items to construct for you. We received a lot of good feed back from everyone, apparently everyone has a Pork Chop in their lives and also apparently, everyone knows someone who you knew was gay. These eEvil cards and posters were among our top sellers- and top requests for us to make as teed-shirts.

In NEW NEWS:

Our brand new "TRADER JOE'S PARKING LOT SURVIVOR" recycled cotton grocery bags were a big hit unto themselves as well- so much so that we very nearly sold out of those glorious bastards. BUT since it is so new, and it is not available for purchase on our website as of now, it WILL be available later this week on Amazon.com later this week when we screen more of them, so stay tuned for that action!

Again, thanks everyone, we sincerely hope you enjoyed the show as much as we did! If you haven't already, make sure you're registered with http://uniquela.com/ for upcoming shows...you will not be sorry, my friends...

Oh yeah, P and then S, we shall be making more "Ship Shirts" as well...(so glad I typed "ship" instead of something else)

Adieu, fine friends! Until we meet again...

_Your pals in eEvil

Just a reminder of who we are...

2009-10-08T19:31:00.000-07:00

eEvil Ink Design has one foot firmly intrenched in the year 1890 and the other? The other foot is skipping around then & now.

We work on an alternative level of design from the normal cliche, for example, instead of Greeting Cards, we make Breakup Cards. Instead of Holiday Cards, we make UnHoliday Cards such as "Pray vs. Sleigh" and "Drunk Santa."

Design is in our name and we are not limited to placing them on cards. We also carry:

- JOURNALS
-TEED SHIRTS
-TOTE BAGS
-PLATE SETS
-WAX SEALS
-CALLING CARDS
-HOLY HANGOVER CANDLES
-ELBAMA CANDLES

AND we have plenty more to come...

CHECK US OUT:

http://www.eevil.org

Our mascot, an 18th century railroad villain/baron, best suites our style. His name eEvelyn Diddley Scott. Welcome to his world:

"I like it when things around me are steeped in trickery or tinged with eEvil Ink.... I like when people say, "ready when you are" and "me too." I never learned how to tell time. I don't believe this nonsense that the world is round. I have not washed my hands since 1983! (of political crimes)

I like strolling down to the market with my cane out-streching my striding gate as I inhale my red carnation festooned to my silky lapel.

The local fruit stand I once pilfered from as a child has new owners now and they're always happy to see me. The sun sometimes winks at my shiny shoes and the bees divide and leave me be.

My fists never appear before man, woman nor beast- only upwards to the continuing dawn of paradise lost. No single man to blame but all men disguising themselves under mankind.

Beware foe! tis true the idle fists! If taunted, they will unfurl to rope and fast swirls of entanglement 23 skidoo! For you see, in the pursuit of my well being, if you have crossed eEvilyn Diddly Scott, you may find yourself neatly cocooned to a railroad track!!

Other than that, I like kittys, lollys and balloons on a stick."

Moulin Rouge / eEvil Launch Party

2009-06-24T14:41:00.000-07:00

eEvil Ink Design "new product" Launch Party!
(in cahoots with Coco de Mer USA)

SEE: fabulous brand new designs by eEvil Ink Design!

SEE: curious items of finery sold by Coco de Mer of Hollywood.

DRINK: intriguing spirits & sophisticated libations at The Doheny, Downtown LA.

SPIN: KCRW's own DAN WILCOX stylings & sampler.

BAND: Live music by Stereo Fox!

FEEL: like a real somebody!!

GO: THIS FRIDAY! June 26th

MUST: RSVP by June 24 on this page or by this email: dohenyrsvp@eevil.org

COMPLICATED: hard to find valet parking & entrance on FLOWER St. Look for a sign with a key on it.

SLACKS: cocktail / evening wear is required, no jeans or teed shirts or jimmed shoes allowed.

EXPANSIVE: professional mixologists will be standing by to take your every drink order. It is a full bar with plenty of pricey yet satisfying drinks for you and yours- and that one guy & that one chick.

BUY: www.eevil.org

oOLALA: www.cocodemerusa.com

UNIQUE los angeles

2009-04-09T11:30:00.000-07:00

Come and see us, live! Booth 223.

That's right! eEvil Ink Design will be vending their asses off Saturday, May #2 and Sunday, May #3, 11am till 6pm or something at The "UNIQUE los angeles" Show located at the CALIFORNIA MARKET PLACE CENTER PENTHOUSE.

..But don't take our words for it, have a look-see at these words from the event peoples...
UNIQUE LOS ANGELES is an exciting two-day shopping event that showcases independent design talent at great prices. The event brings together over 230 of the best designers, artists and merchants. We believe in supporting the community while stimulating the local economy, we thrive on individualism, and we hope to introduce independent design to the masses. There are deals and discoveries a plenty!

For more information about this event, please dial:www.uniquelosangeles.com

We hope to see you there!!

eEvil Ink Designs for a better tomorrow

2009-03-19T16:05:00.000-07:00

Come and join us on Facebook!

Get to know just what eEvil Ink Design can do for you as to insure that you will have a better tomorrow.

The down side: you will always have a horrendous, horrible and hideous today. We call it the "triple H Escher effect". But we must never stop the fight for "a better tomorrow".

Come along and join us!! What do you have to lose?? Today, that's what!

If you join now, make up a title for yourself and simply explain what you can do for the group and we'll make you an officer!

SAVE THE AMAZON (account)

2008-11-17T10:59:00.000-08:00

It's up to you to save our Amazon account! We offer some terrific gifts there: journals, peel 'n' stick wax seals, more holiday cards and calling cards.

It's your new American doody, I mean duty! dammit, DUTY!!

All you have to do is click on to Amazon and enter a search for "eEvil Ink Design." Do this five times a day. Tell your friends...start one of those prayer emails, you know, those things that if you don't send them to at least 7 friends within 7 minutes your toes will curl up and you go straight to hell? Start one of those - or - start a pyramid scam with it. Sounds thrilling to me....be sure to send us one!!

BTW, check your toes...

eEvil Amazon.com

Thanks!

eEvil Ink's Crush on the Sublime Peoples

2008-06-10T10:19:00.000-07:00

This is a story about how eEvil Ink Design win's the war against mediocrity at the rate of sometimes twice a day!
(a brief history)

With a tiny little dream in their tender hearts they began producing "Break-Up Cards."

But they didn't stop there.

Again they looked deep into their kind souls and began a line of cards that could reach out and bring all of humanity together. What they came up with was astounding.

They called them: "Hook-Up Cards" and they were red this time!

Minds were blown. (I said minds!)

When the seasons came upon us like, "Christmas" and "Chanukah" they decided to reach out to these folks, too.
For "Christmas" they decided to photograph one of the holiday's mascot's in a post, jovial celebration and they called it "Drunk Santa." This card is still widely cherished by many people who love to make "Ha-Ha-Ha" noises (not to mention Ho-Ho-Ho noises) depicting a sort of, "I can no longer speak because my mind has been blown."

It was the same story when they came-up with the hilarious card entitled:"Welcome to Fabulous Chanukah!" with a Las Vegas theme providing the gritty gears of this giggle factory.

On the heels of these Card Breakthroughs there lies a deeper layer to eEvil Ink Design. One that takes all of us on a magical journey of "wow!"

and

"They f^@ing make these??"

Sometimes, we must use both sayings.

JOURNALS! WOW! THEY F^@ING MAKE THESE??

YES!!

So far eEvil Ink Has started producing what they aptly call, "Blank Novellas" and they couldn't be more...blank? This is good because one needs these pages to be blank so the good people can write or draw things in them. "GENIUS!" I say.

The blank novellas are a 3 volume set. THREE! Wow!

1.) "Pleasure & Displeasure" is a fine beauty with a design inlayed in red depicting a noosed rope on it's cover. The reason for this is: it's an ideal image for hanging one's own ironic insights. It's a beautifully bound book, I assure you.

2.) "Scandalous Thoughts & Evil Deeds" is a comprehensive look at a knife as it holds still a pear. (it's a pear on it's side with a knife through it) God knows what this pear has done to deserve this sort of treatment but one thing's for sure, this isn't the first time nor the last. Since the invention of the pearing knife, it's a slippery slope for pears.

3.) "Guidebook to Misconduct" who wants to take a stab at writing this meaty novella? Well now you have your chance! This Guidebook will give you a head start. With it's golden owl on the cover, one can't go wrong. The owl is even depicted drinking from a golden cup of wisdom (or pimp cup) and he seems to be having a "Cheers!" to you as you have just purchased one of the best bound and designed journals the world has to offer.

There are so many designs under eEvil Ink Design's belt, it's almost inappropriate to look down there! If it seems like your confused by that statement...me, too!! But the excitement remains!

eEvil Ink also offers wax seal stamps (including wax) and as an option, they offer their unique designs in "peel & stick" form. That means no pesky fires and smoke!! All one simply does here is:

1.) PEEL
2.) STICK

Easy Breezy! These wax seals come in 4 unique and gifted design looks: A Heart, A Pistol, A Bomb and an old fashioned light bulb- not the new low watt one either! These designs have an old "antique-y" quality to them that matches the old wax seal look.

The best thing to do to fully understand eEvil Ink Design is to purchase these items first hand for yourself. They can be found on Amazon or their very own website:

www.eevil.org

Their own website! What will they think of..............and then design next!!!

WRITE US A REVIEW!!

2008-06-05T14:38:00.001-07:00

Good Day to you!

We've recently launched brand new eEvil Ink Design products other than cards.

eEvil Ink Design now offers: Journals, Wax Seals, Melamine Plates and Calling Cards! (Damn! those are cards!)(but they come in a tin)

Don't worry! we're not asking you to buy them all!
(although...this gives me an idea. I'll tell you later.)

Anyway, we've placed these "items" for sale on Amazon.com but in order for them
to come-up under a decent search they need good reviews and ratings.

We're simply asking that you please go to Amazon.com and give us a good rating?? All you have to do is give us 5 stars, is that so wrong?

You can also write a blurb if you feel so inclined. Simply say, "They're great!" or "I equate this product to a pair of bees knees." or something with the phrase "cat's pajamas" in it followed by "these are a must have!" But then I suppose you'd have to admit to yourself that "cat's pajamas" are really quite useless.

Mainly, we need those stars.

Here's the link:

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss_b?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=eevil+ink+design&x=5&y=21

OR simply log onto Amazon and under search, type in these words:
eEvil Ink Design.

Also, feel free to buy them, that helps too! that's my idea from earlier.

Thank you.

_eEvilyn Diddley Scott

NATIONAL STATIONERY SHOW, NYC, JAVITS CENTER BOOTH #3352

2008-05-14T21:03:00.000-07:00

Oh, if only you could have been there!!

Shanghai'd once again!! I certainly must put an end to this poppy-cock but I must secretly say, I'm beginning to enjoy my captivity.

Allow me to explain. My name is eEvilyn Didly Scott and I am an old villain. Once a year, a mad...Sea Circumnavigationist by the name of Jacob Javits, Shanghai's me by way of micky. He will usually, I assume, have one of his mangled minions micky one of my many nightly absinth's. (although, often, I regret to admit, none such "micky" is needed to induce a shanghai)

He usually stows me aboard his sea vessel: "The Beechy Keen II." This year it seems he has acquired a new vessel: "Sea Sea Rider" This fellow disgusts me.

Back to my log:
This is DAY THREE of my abduction. We have just rounded the North Pole where I was able to sketch the above rendition of what mine eye has spied up there. A more disturbing sight, I cannot recall. One thing I could not sketch was the smell. Allow me now: Tequila lime vomit with a touch of "BBQ dipping sauce." I have decided to sell this card around what you call: Christ Mas. (image only)

DAY FOUR
As of today, Captain Javits has informed me that we shall indeed land upon the rusty shores of New, New Amsterdam, or, as you call it:

NEW YORK CITY.

This is perfect because I shall set up a hovel inside

The Javits Center, May 18 - 21 and call it: BOOTH 3352

I invite you to join me there!! I will show you all of my works:

BREAK UP CARDS
HOOK-UP CARDS
JOURNALS
CALLING CARDS IN A TIN !
TEED SHIRTS
COTTON BAGGED, BAGS
and maybe more...

Checkout our stuff: www.myspace.com/eevil_ink_design

HELP ME!

Kickin' it "Old School Seals"

2007-11-30T13:20:00.000-08:00

Put the CORE back in CORRESPONDENCE....

Dear friends,

I like writing secret letters to secret people and further, I like secretly sealing each secret letter with a secret wax seal that I have secretly chosen on a once secret website by the name of:

Old School Seals

It is our secret advice that you secretly check out this secret site and buy a few secret seals of your own secret choosing. We even secretly designed a few secret seals for you to secretly purchase.

Viva Oy Vegas!!

2007-11-21T19:26:00.000-08:00

Introducing our brand-new Chanukah Card...

.....If one wishes to purchase this "brand-new" card set, why, one would have to email me and plainly ask for a box of these gems. I will show explain all you need to do. Simply email me:

thatonecat@eevil.org

Shalome-out!

eEvil Ink Design Visits New York City

2007-05-10T15:21:00.000-07:00

I am writing this note upon a small schooner by the name of "Beachy Keen II." Do not ask what happened to The Beachy Keen the first. That is to say, you can ask, but you wish you hadn't because the answer will threaten your dreams at night as you roll over the wet waves of...plunder, shall we say.

Why am I on this schooner: allow me to explain.

My name is eEvilyn Diddley Scott and I do not trust the aero-spaced vessels that hob knob with the clouds. I feel that it simply is not right. Therefore, I find suspicious shipery exciting- if nothing else. I'm currently east of Brazil, my favorite place upon this great blue cube, (the earth is NOT round). Just a few exciting minutes ago I peered through my telescope...it is a mountainous region- Brazil.

Soon I shall reach my destination:

NEW YORK CITY.

for...
THE NATIONAL STATIONARY SHOW

MAY 16th - 22nd

If you care to contact me, please do. I shall do everything in my powers to meet with you and sign autographs. All you have to do is scower my website for contact information or...I can leave this "link" as they're called:

thatonecat@eevil.org

What ever you type, you can send it there where I shall get a faithful minion to read your message aloud to me as I do not care for advancing technologies, I will not, with first hand, personally participate in electronic mail. I even gesture with my left hand as I dictate my letterdom.

eEnjoy yourselves, where ever you may lie.
Perhaps I'll see you in New York.

_eEvilyn Diddley Scott

The Hollywood Hills Are Made of Kitty Litter

2006-10-25T20:25:00.000-07:00

As you may sort of see, or perhaps you've been there and you know, all those hills above Hollywoodland are made of grade "A" kitty litter.

If you have a cat (or cats) and you live in Hollywood, do yourself a favor and save some money by heading up there with a little bag and mine away your time...AND BILLS!

Kitty litter is also good for getting out those pesky oil stains that lay atop your garage floor.

So you see, it's win, win.

Just watch it, though. There are a few mountain Lions up there who come from miles around just to use these golden Kitty Litter Mountains.

eEvil Ink Loves Brazil !! (the addendum)

2006-10-19T12:22:00.000-07:00

Long about yesterday, we wanted express our love for Brazil in their native tongue, Portuguese. We're not sure if it's exactly "native," but it happens to be the tongue of Brazil.

Using a hand held device by Radio Shack: "Porto-on-the-Go-Go" We had it translate a message to the people of Brazil yesterday, October 18th, 2006. You can even see the very message below if you dare look down there.
We'd like to make mention that the original English version had a form of coherence- not so when translated back to English. The following is the message that was translated: ENGLISH to PORTUGUESE and back to ENGLISH by the new hand-held "Porto-on-the-Go-Go" by Radio Shack:

"Hello friends of Brazil, as is you today? That way to the library? Can I start a wax there? Tomalies in my low shoes has ones.

Approval, not really...

Since that we were thus mentioned valiantly in one of its wonderful compartments, us we observe many of the strokes in our Web site. We desire to inform it who that one, yes... it is approval to buy some of our merchandise. Moreover, our cards do not come with the plastic, sorry injectors --this can satisfy it (we know that he satisfies customs).

If you to desire to buy our cards or t-shirts and you will not have a customer of PayPal, simply the email me and me it will see to it that you receive that its disires from the heart... Revenge!"

Thus ends the message. What we would like to say now is, "Sorry!!" and,
"Damn you Radio Shack !!"

We sent both versions back to the lab to findout, once and for all, what we actually said.

If you find yourself to be a Portuguese...English to Portuguese Language Scientist, please contact us at once! We need your help. We will even settle for a Lithuanian 3rd grade grammar school teacher.

thatonecat@eevil.org

o projeto da tinta do eEvil ama Brasil!!

2006-10-18T16:48:00.000-07:00

Hello amigos de Brasil, como é você hoje? Que maneira à biblioteca?? Posso eu começar uma cera lá? Há uns tomalies em minhas sapatas.

Aprovação, não realmente...

Desde que nós fomos mencionados assim valiantly em um de seus compartimentos maravilhosos, nós observamos muitos das batidas em nosso Web site. Nós desejamos informá-lo que aquela, sim... ele é aprovação para comprar alguma de nossa mercadoria. Além disso, nossos cartões não
vêm com os injetores plásticos, pesarosos--isto pode satisfazê-lo (nós sabemos que satisfaz costumes).

Se você desejar comprar nossos cartões ou os t-shirts e você não tiverem um cliente de PayPal, simplesmente o email mim e mim
ver-lhe-á que você recebe que seus disires do coração...Vingança!

Obrigado Brasil!!

thatonecat@eevil.org

Half-Naked Dummies with Explosive Melons!

2006-06-29T15:49:00.000-07:00

The 4th of July is nearing and you know what that means...? Once again, it's the season to watch half naked dummies get blown to pieces on your local news stations! Yeeeeeee-huh?

Heineken? Manniken? Man-I-can?? Man-you-CAN!!!

Pants off, shirt on...
The dummies that I've seen recently- it seems flannel is in!! No need for pants! Shirt? Yes. Don't be silly, dummy. If it's any consolation, forget about fastening or snapping any buttons. Who needs any of that jazz when you're so hot hot hot!!! Don't forget to don your dummy this summer with huge melons! Oh yeah! What a refreshing treat! but don't forget to first riddle them with m-80's!

Keep in mind, if you still have all fingers on July 5th, your 4th wasn't that great...

Those dummies ain't so smart....
Flannel in the summer....pshhhh...

BOOTH 1869

2006-05-11T11:05:00.000-07:00

What is BOOTH 1869 ??

This is where eEvil Ink Design shall be May 21-24 at the

New York Stationary Show.

If you so happen to be lurking around the Javits Center in NYC, perhaps you should stop by with sardonic glee.

We await your every creaking half-smile...

eEvilyn Diddley Scott

The Great Strokes / Franz Ferdinand War

2006-04-14T19:36:00.000-07:00

I think that Franz Ferdinand won the war for the megaphonic, dirty, riffy sound. The Strokes have come back with a keen new song, which is not bad, but after I hear it I find myself singing "Oh Mandy" by Manilow himself. The Strokes, they play dirty, I tell you.....DIRTY! They've unleashed some heavy psychological warfare to get into our heads and win the battle.

Manilow invented the stupid, catchy melodies that were designed to kill us all. (MWMM) Manilow's Weapons of Mass Mediocrity was a big thing in the 70's. He's an evil wizard, I tell you! And for those Strokes to evoke the specter of Manilow, well, that's just dirty.

I've stayed out of this war in the past and will continue to do so in the future, but I had to stand up and say something here. Leave Manilow's evil...mind fucking tools alone! It's getting all terrorist...turn your heads to them...TURN YOUR HEADS!! Look away...

myspace.com/eevil_ink_design

eEvil Ink @ myspace

2006-04-06T00:48:00.000-07:00

I'm just an old villain, as I have put forth as word- and many other suggestions thereof. I was slow to respond to the need of myspace. Frankly, myspace's new owner, Rupert Murdock, scares even me- and I'm a villain!

So we have succumb to the networkings of myspace. We would love for you to join us there and become our...how do you say...friend.

http://www.myspace.com/eevil_ink_design

Thank You Kindly (this time)

-eEvilyn Diddley Scott

YOU ARE WHAT YOU FLY

2006-03-04T02:17:00.000-08:00

For you see, I travel ECONOMY.

Boarding a plane to Boston, I stepped as slow as the people before me would allow. I always dig walking through first class. They're mostly overweight and slightly sweaty- and they look at you. I received direct eye contact with one fellow, a large, poofy gent- white with pink fringes around the cheeks- messed-up, dissheveled hair. He looked impatient at the zoo passing before him making their way to the back of the plane. Little did he know, he was due back at six himself...

Another guy in first class had his head buried in Sky magazine. It was hard to see his face because he was so very close to the pages. On closer observation, the guy was an albino. I'm not slamming albinos, I got no beefs, but it struck me.........he probably can never-ever look up into the sky. Naturally, I would assume, if that magazine is about what it says it's about, "the sky" well yes, I bet he would find "Sky magazine" really quite fascinating if not scintilating. It's too bad the sky really isn't filled with cheap, kitschy merchandise as he may be gathering. (emissions are a form of kitschy merchandise...)

Finding a seat and several miscellaneous "BONG BONG BONG" noises later.....and aerial hub-bubs later.... we're offered "refreshments" and what-not. We didn't have a choice on the "what-nots". They handed out these little packets of crackers that were in the shape of little airplanes. Strange, I thought. We're in a plane- and they're feeding us packets of little planes...well hell, I can dig the irony. So I opened the package, ate one..........tastey. I was up to 3, 4 planes at a time. I thought how funny it was that the plane ate me........and I ate it......but then I saw a mountain below me that looked like a boob.

Pop sayers, stop it with the shame, STAND UP! dammit...

2006-01-27T20:01:00.000-08:00

I, for one, am sick of those soda sayers correcting me. "Oh, you say pop?" I get that question when I'm lucky.
It beats the usual response, which is a casual yet brutal look of silent disdain, as if I had just come home from a long week of rape and pillage. I am not a barbarian! I will personally admit to barbarian-like thoughts and quirks that I am not aware of but, in my simple defence, I am only a man- but this has little bearing on this protest. Saying "pop" has little to do with my barbaric coding.

Or does it...? That's what those Soda Intellectuals would have you believe!

Nay, Soda-Pop is the complete, albeit, hyphenated term. In our ever growing succinct world population, certain places were taken by soda, yet some chose pop. Both coasts of The United States, North America, decided to say "soda". The midwest portion decided on "pop". Why is this?

For pops sake, maybe it was Elvis? Pop culture...I dunno... It's a colloquialism. The term "soda" on the other hand is so scientific and not colloquial, it simply isn't hip. It defines what it actually is: carbonated water. But is it? My argument to say "pop" rather than "soda" is two-fold.

On the colloquial "pop" side vs. the scientific "soda" account, The "soda" that these pseudo-intellectuals sometimes order is mixed with some form of cornsyrup, caffeine and various other ingredients meant to mask intoxicants or, on it's own, it's meant to give them that boost of energy they've been looking for while they digest heart-stopping lunch (or le tack there-of).

Besides this technicality, part two of my arguemant is simple: it just sounds better. It's cool. It's like, Elvis cool. Sure he might of said soda...but that's not what rings in my ears. Pop is exciting! It pops, literally. Soda is just boring. "Ooo, what kinds of soodas day you have?" Jump ranks man, Elvis would.

Pop: "It's the new soda!" It's phonetically exciting! I guess that's really why it appeals to me. I think this alone is the best argument. The only way I'll stop saying "pop" is when I decide to call it BANG! Now that's a drink!

P.S.
I don't even know where to begin with you "soft drink" sayers...
Soft Drink? What are you thinking?? There's nothing soft about it. You're neither hip NOR scientific. Clearly, you are out of touch with your senses- and that's a sad state, man.

NERDS. they used to be cool, what happened?

2005-12-29T00:21:00.000-08:00

THOSE NERDS! They're affecting our movies, man. Haven't you noticed? I swear those tech-nerd-bastards swayed Lucas to the dark side of pure eye candy. Every movie you see now is a game friendly, gadget thrusting commercial for R*dio Sh*ck.

You see, nerds used to be cool when they read books and adjusted their belts and glasses interchangedly. Sure "interchangedly" is not a word- how did you know?
What is a nerd?

NERD: noun, informal: "a foolish or contemptible person who lacks social skills or is boringly studious." (1950's origin unknown)

Basically, when a test was coming up, you knew where to look. This is a cliche... a 1950's - to late 1980's cliche that died around grunge when Kurt Cobain arrived on the scene. Yeah, Elvis Costello broke some barriers but Kurt really killed it.

The nerd took solace in grunge. They found that they could finally wear their granny sweaters and big glasses while stepping out of their mother's basement for Mountain Dew and Fig Newtons without fear of a wedgee. You see, they may even be confused as a popular musician themselves:

"Why yes, I am in a band...I'm also a level 10 elf, but...I also play bass.., my good lady...hmmm"

Okay, they were cool, but now....what redeeming qualities do nerds have today? The 00's nerd is a real let down. They have no attention span. They don't seem to know a whole lot about anything except things they can't explain.

The 00's nerds consume and consume and consume, much like locusts...driving markets in every boring way that glitters. Mediocracy has won the war, with video games! F*cking nerds. Why can't they stand up, sit down and read again? Go back to being nerds, please.
(jerks)
Oh, jerks are really in now...

RIDIN' THE STORM OUT. (where was Rudolf?)

2005-12-19T12:24:00.000-08:00

And then Santa awoke from his long blank journey of large empty nowhere.

Someone pulled Santa's memory switch to the "off" position last night.
It happened around 4:00 A.M., he reckens.

It had to have been soon after a few of the elves around the bar were chanting, "CHUG-A-LUG !! CHUG-A-LUG !!"

Santa's last thoughts were, "Hmmm, Rumplemintz does taste like candy canes!"

That's when oblivian crept in to Santa's brain and wiped it clean.

Santa's mouth on this morning was like a dark little cave with a dryed up turtle-head in it.

"Why is there an REO Speedwagen song in my head?"
Santa asked to no one.

Santa couldn't explain it. Santa could only assume that he had briefly joined REO last night in spirit. Or did he drive the sleigh there?

Santa was vexed.

Santa is thinking that this morning, he's going to pee sitting down...

Santa's going to need his hands to cradle his head as he sways it in self disparage...

So, how was your Christmas Party?

buyourcardsatVIRGIN/URBANOUTFITTERS/NEWBURYCOMICS/PULLMYDAISY

AND

http://www.eevil.org

bye!

SHE'S ACTUALLY 26 YEARS OLD!

2005-12-09T12:13:00.000-08:00

Tis the season- for office parties. The best thing you can do is sit back and watch as your comrades get wasted. Ecourage them to the copy machine...tell them the boss wants them. Whisper in their ear, "Man, you used to be cool! What happened...?"

If you've been planning on quitting, on the other hand, now is the time. Go out in style- or complete lack thereof. Try to end the night with wedgees for everyone! It may sweeten your memories as you while the time away in jail.

Tell us about your party! (xerox's okay to post)

-eEvilyn

Our Website Decor

2005-11-22T16:16:00.000-08:00

Er..hello...we thought we would write to mention that AT LONG LAST we are finally starting to post much needed upgrades to our website. Since we prefer to move in fits and starts, we are posting each section as it is completed, rather than in one big, smooth swoop.

We find this helps us to evade our detractors and distract our enemies.

And it also makes the site seem like a confusing lot of junk to those loyalists who occasionally visit the site to show their support for our eEvil ways.

So, uh, sorry about that. The good news is you will soon be able to buy all kinds of crap that hitherto you have only dreamt of in your wildest imaginations. Depending on just how wild your imaginations are. Maybe you haven't been dreaming of cards. Maybe you're thinking about that weird dream with the monkey and Lisa Kudrow....BUT STOP THAT RIGHT NOW! We say CARDS, CARDS, CARDS!

On sale now at http://www.eevil.org/unholiday.html

HOBO CONTRIBUTIONS

2005-11-18T11:53:00.001-08:00

Hmm, well let's see...If it weren't for the hobo, um, did they invent stew? I know they invented the handkerchief tied to a stick thing. Did they invent clowns? The early clown does invoke "hobo" does it not? I'm going to be the first to say, they invented clowns. I must admit, contempt is building inside me for the hobo as I write...

A surly breed, The Hobo. They gave us stew, red with white poke-a-dotted handkerchiefs on a stick and clowns. Yeah, I think that's about it. But, it goes without saying that they were a catalist for better locks and better fences...which they inscribed little symbols on- to help other passing hobos detect suckers, judges, "widers" (widows), church folk and so forth. Yeah, personally I'm a little mixed when it comes to hobos. I wouldn't want to meet the new generation '00's Bush era hobo. I think they have names like "Claws" & "Fist Cramin' Vern" & "Stranglin' Lonnie".

Please feel free to leave your favorite hobo name in the comment section, real or made-up or both.

P.S. The last blog entry, Tina Schlieske's CD release party, I threatened my Minneapolis friends that I would publically skewer them on this blog if they didn't go to the show.

Hence:

THE FOLLOWING PEOPLE HAVE MADE-OUT WITH HOBOS:

Bill K. made-out with known hobo: "Lou Brown Boogers"
Chris H. went to 3rd base with known hobo: "Count Crapula"
Andy A. shared passions with known hobo: "Poop Stains Willie"
Scott N. turned a trick by moonlight with known hobo: "Stink Eye Roy"
John B. rolled around with known hobo: "Goober Face Ed"
Eric H. did it with known hobo: "Hog Mouth Gil"
Page W. canoodled intamately with known hobo: "Fish Crotch Mary" (lucky)

Ta,

BuyourcardsatNewburyComicsVirginMegastoresUrbanOutfittersPullMyDaisy,

-eEvilyn Didley Scott

TINA SCHLIESKE CD RELEASE PARTY

2005-11-11T14:12:00.000-08:00

HAS IT BEEN A WHILE SINCE YOU'VE SEEN A GOOD
ROCK and or ROLL SHOW?

eEvil Ink is proud to sponsor the release of:

"Slow Burn" by Tina Schlieske
http://www.tinaschlieske.com/

Picture you going to:

TINA SCHLIESKE "Slow Burn" CD RELEASE PARTY

WHEN: SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 12 - 2005
WHERE: FIRST AVENUE
DIRECTIONS: It's located...hmmm, I think on 2nd Avenue, no wait! First- it is First Avenue downtown, Minneapolis, (Minnesota) Maybe you can Mapquest it, you lazy no-good-for-nothin..

Put the word to the streets, all of them...

Also, check out this recent MPLS StarrTribune article:
http://www.startribune.com/stories/1371/5717897.html

One last thing, feel free to purchase the "Tina Tees" because they were made by us, eEvil Ink Design.

Now start saving your money, drink it tomorrow.
(me: I do both)

Chowdios!

P.S. To my friends that received the threatening email earlier, I'm not kidding!!

Hey-HEY...! Have fun everyone!

Peace, Love, Joy [and a good stiff drink]

buyourcardsatVirginandUrbanOutfittersBYE!
-eEvilyn Didley Scott

How Many Trains Will It Take??

2005-11-09T09:48:00.000-08:00

Don't look so shocked. This is you for the next four months or so...

Sometimes we all have to make plans to go home for the holidays. We are all bound to our holday train tracks, are we not? Perhaps you need to refresh yourself with the train schedules...

* Triptofan Express - Nov. 24th
(we urge you to watch your own caboose on this day, it may mysteriously double in size)

* Magical Gift-Giving-Fatman Express - Dec. 24 & Dec. 25th
Caution: there is so much of this express, they couldn't make all the stops in 1 day. The true story for this train goes something like this: Daddy asked Mommy if he could have you over for a christmas dinner at his new house -- with his new girlfriend, Brenda, who was once his secretary. They worked it out for you. This is just the beginning of your guilty feelings for this holiday. Perhaps you should buy yourself a flask for this trip?

* Chanukuh Express - Dec 25th, this year.
This train is super long and suprisingly runs on one drop of oil, very efficient. Eight days, non-stop- this one! There is a lot of gambling going in the dreidel car. Be sure to bring plenty of chocolate coins, no one wants the other stuff. Try for "GIMEL". But, besides all the fun gambling there comes a lot of guilt. You will find that all these trains run on guilt. Again, a good flask runs about $25 to $35. (I say you splurge for the $40 dollar one)

These are only a few trains that I'm aware of...
There is another. The Festivous Express. I am on board for this one, it's a straight shooter. Invented by Frank Costanza of Queens; it starts Dec 23rd and basically involves telling everyone around the table how they've wronged you through the year and is concluded with a battle by the gleaming metal pole called "Feats of Strength".

Sounds firmiliar...

What train are you looking for??

BOO SHIT !!

2005-11-01T15:50:00.000-08:00

That's right. How can you be mad at getting your pumpkin smashed??

Like you've never done it before... Oh, um... okay, if you have never-ever had the awsome delight of smashing pumpkins before, it's not too late! I bet your neighbor folk are somewhat hoping that someone would smash their pumpkins. Worrying half the night away in a fright, "What's wrong with us? Why did they smash everybody else's pumpkins but ours? What's wrong with us?" They'll question out loud, "Why, why, WHY??"

Would you like to see them in a sad march to the trash can, Jack-o-Lantern in hands, they let go and...thud, no smash? Do you know how that feels? It's like my dog with no nose, how does he smell? Awful.

I myself, eEvilyn Didley Scott, once had a pumpkin on my stoop for 103 executive days. It turned into goo- then was ingested by a tongue lashing like no other. The neighbors cat, Mr. Pickles, could do such things. Anyway, this had to of been back in 1909, I believe. Mr. Pickles sits upon my mantle now. He died because no one smashed my pumpkin...Is this why I am devoted to a life of eEvil?? You'll never know... and Pickles ain't sayin boo...

Anyhow, Back to the pumpkin smashing... Do it! It must be done- and it's quite a thrill. You can even take that special someone out on a date, do some smashing, then...who knows what...? Troll napping? Oh the possibilities are endless...

Another good thing: it makes your street look like a hodge-podge of good old American anarchy. What are you? a commy or something?

Now...OFF WITH THEIR HEADS !!!

Ta-Ta,

eEvilyn D. S.

Bug Thy Neighbor (hood stores)

2005-10-25T10:34:00.000-07:00

Do you get a thrill when you know about something first? and for once it isn't about you and your love life?

yes / no (circle one on your screen with permanent marker)

If you like the cards we carry and you frequent a local shop in your town that you consider "cool", please tell them you personally know about us. Mention our name, tell them our favorite color is black and we like beards made of bees, hiking and papermache elephant-head ashtrays.

If you score us an account and they end up selling our stuff in the store of your choosing, I'll totally back your desperate claims of knowing us- I mean...I'll put it better than that.

I'll make you seem cool and say things like,
"Oh yeah, if it wasn't for________ (fill in your name here with marker) we sure wouldn't be cool. Some say there's a ten mile radius of cool that follows________ (name w/ marker) around at all times. Lot's can't run from______'s (name w/marker) pure cool."

Anyway, go out there and bug people. Okay, so you don't have to mention us to anyone, fine. You can keep our secret as bottled up and repressed in your soul as your secret love for Tony Danza, like that won't give you cancer...

"Topic of Cancer": is cancer ever funny? I think it's funnier than Tony Danza, what do you think?

Santa Goes Urban

2005-10-24T12:51:00.000-07:00

Greetings Friends and Foes! We thought we'd bring this blog back from the dead with the happy news that our Drunk Santa cards have weasled their boozy way into Urban Outfitters stores across the country. You'll find them passed out on tables in the Home Goods section waiting for you to buy them up and send them to your unsuspecting mailing list. You can also check him out here: http://www.eevil.org/unholiday.html

You'll also find Santa at select Newbury Comics stores in a couple weeks, along with some other new card designs our lazy butts haven't even posted to the website yet.

Speaking of the website, we begin a long-awaited major overhaul this week that will feature lots of new t-shirt and card designs-- and we'll even let you buy them! I know it's crazy talk...but it's true! Meanwhile, we promise not let this blog pass out along with Santa. Keep checking us here for daily updates on our eEvil little world....

Attack of the Show

2005-08-03T09:33:00.000-07:00

Some of you may have noticed Attack of the Show's Chris Gore wearing our very own "Your Audition Sucked Anway" t-shirt on yesterday's program. After buying one our tees at the ArcLight Theater in Hollywood, Gore wrote to us saying, "I love your shirts. I am a big fan."

Look for him wearing other eEvil Ink t-shirts in upcoming episodes.

Attack of the Show
Tuesday Nights at 9:30pm PT/12:30ET
G4TV (VideogameTV)
http://www.g4tv.com/attackoftheshow/index.htmlwww.g4tv.com/attackoftheshow/index.html

or check out Gore's personal site http://chrisgore.com

"Your Audition Sucked Anyway," "Your Movie Sucked Anyway," and "Your Screenplay Sucked Anyway" t-shirts from eEvil Ink are available at:

ArcLight Cinemas
6360 W Sunset Blvd (between Vine and Ivar, with DeLongpre to the south) Los Angeles, CA

Or send an email to Erich [thatonecat@eevil.org] and we can hook you up with one directly.

And so it began...

2005-06-30T14:20:00.000-07:00

In case you were wondering, (we know you weren't) we thought we'd explore the root meaning and history of the words that comprise our illustrious name "eEvil Ink Design." Yes, sometimes etymology sure beats workin' after lunch.

(e)EVIL
O.E. yfel (Kentish evel) "bad, vicious," from P.Gmc. *ubilaz (cf. O.Saxon ubil, Goth. ubils), from PIE *upelo-, giving the word an original sense of "uppity, overreaching bounds" which slowly worsened. "In OE., as in all the other early Teut. langs., exc. Scandinavian, this word is the most comprehensive adjectival expression of disapproval, dislike or disparagement" [OED]. Evil was the word the Anglo-Saxons used where we would use bad, cruel, unskillful, defective (adj.), or harm, crime, misfortune, disease. The meaning "extreme moral wickedness" was in O.E., but did not become the main sense until 18c. Evil eye (L. oculus malus) was O.E. eage yfel.

INK
"the black liquor with which men write" [Johnson], c.1250, from O.Fr. enque "dark writing fluid," from L.L. encaustum, from Gk. enkauston "purple or red ink," used by the Roman emperors to sign documents, originally a neut. adj. form of enkaustos "burned in," from stem of enkaiein "to burn in," from en- "in" + kaiein "to burn" (see caustic). The word is from a Gk. method of applying colored wax and fixing it with heat. The verb meaning "to mark or stain in ink" is from 1562. Inky "as black as ink" is attested from 1593.

DESIGN
1548, from L. designare "mark out, devise," from de- "out" + signare "to mark," from signum "a mark, sign." Originally in Eng. with the meaning now attached to designate (1646, from L. designatus, pp. of designare); many modern uses of design are metaphoric extensions. Designer (adj.) in the fashion sense of "prestigious" is first recorded 1966; designer drug is from 1983. Designing "scheming" is from 1671. Designated hitter introduced in American League baseball in 1973, soon giving wide figurative extension to designated.

So basically, we've got your "extreme moral wickedness" "marked out" in "the black liquor with which men write." So there. Don't say we never taught you nuthin'.

Notes From the eEvil Lair

2005-06-22T11:59:00.000-07:00

So okay kiddies, just thought we'd update you on the latest here at eEvil Ink...the new website is in the works and soon enough you'll be able to order all the precious products you'd like to have for your very own. We are also deep in the creative fervor of a number of new product developments, so you'll have a lot more to pick from soon...new tees, new card collections, some very worthwhile additions to the "Un-Holiday" card line and some other really cool stuff we would tell you about if we weren't as paranoid as all villains have to be. Yes, that's right, secrecy is everything! We know they are watching, listening, trying to sneak satellite photos! That's why we keep everything locked away in the eEvil lair (or sometimes under our capes.)

Well, Alright

2005-05-20T16:39:00.000-07:00

We've noticed lately that more and more people have been stoppin by the old eevil home page, so we thought we'd throw you a bone in case any of you had the chutzpah to visit more than once. We know it's crazy talk. And we are also pretty confident that NO ONE but us has ever read this blog. But whatever.

I think you'll ALL (ha, ha) be excited to hear that we will soon be making upgrades to our website so you can buy stuff online if you're so inclined. A few truly brave souls have been courageous enough to contact us regarding this issue, but we've yet to see one brave enough to send us a check through snail mail. So we'll get with the 21st century, even tho in many regards we prefer the 19th. Just be patient. We know it's for the greater good. You get good stuff, we get cold hard cash. And everybody's happy, right? Well, you'd better be. Cuz we sure hate dealing with the website. Always, hungry for new stuff and improvements, it's appetite is VORACIOUS...truly a BEAST. You see, we were going to throw you a bone, but it's too late now....the website must be fed....ARGHGURGLE, swallow....

Penny Dreadfuls AKA Vinegar Valentines

2005-05-02T09:06:00.000-07:00

hey...we all know there is nothing completely new left under the sun...but to those of you who think some of our cards are ill-tempered, we would just like to say we are simply upholding tradition. Way back in th 1800s insulting cards had their place in the world and we intend to help them reclaim their rightful throne and due respect! Long live the Penny Dreadful!

Penny Dreadfuls also known as Vinegar Valentines

A new type of Valentine's Day Card that was not full of love and adoration appeared in 1858. They were known as Vinegar Valentine's or Penny Dreadfuls. They were exactly that, 1¢. For the most part they were made from very inexpensive paper and poorly printed.They were not beautiful, ornate or romantic, quite the opposite. The artwork was uncomplicated, the colors were simple and they were filled with verses of humorous and rhyming insults, insulting everyone and anyone, teachers, spinsters, friends and other lovelorn individuals. Most often they were sent anonymously to people who were not liked. To make it even worse, in the 1800's the receiver was the person who paid for the postage, so these poor individuals paid to be insulted! Even a few of the prominent printers such as Raphael Tuck began printing insult Valentine's. They were popular for years and were sent up until the mid 1900's. --emotionscards.com

A few Vinegar Valentine examples:

"A monkey in a jungle, Is looking for his face, That someone must have wished on you, And gave him yours in place."

"'You never have a steady job, You're always out of work; Your energy is all used up In finding ways to shirk."

"From girls of these fast modern days A little boldness we expect, And when within due bounds it's kept Not every one will object; But o'er all bounds you go so far With your loud ways and saucy face, We simply feel disgust and scorn To see such lack of womanly grace."

At long Last...

2005-05-02T08:52:00.000-07:00

Alright, we know it' s been a long time since we've posted anything to this blog, but we've like, been doing stuff. Got all our goods on the shelves at the Arclight, and all you Los Angeles area movie-goers have been telling us you think that's great. Well, thanks. We're happy about it, too.

But now we're ready to conquer the nation. That's right. THE NATION. The US of A. America. Land of the free. Home of the brave. Oh beautiful for spacious.....Virgin Mega stores. That's right. Virgin Mega stores. As of today, we're shipping out our latest break-up cards and hook-up cards to stores in LA, New York, Chicago, Boston, New Orleans, Miami, Orlando and more. So if you ever liked us, all we've got to say is get off your a** and go buy some cards. And thanks very much.

Your Screenplay Sucked Anyway

2005-03-21T15:00:00.000-08:00

Here in Los Angeles, a town where everyone is trying to get in with the industry, you gotta say it like it is.

Now on the racks at Arclight Cinema's gift shop, eEvil Ink "Your Screenplay Sucked Anyway" tees are the ONLY thing you should wear to the wrap party for that low-budget excuse for filmmaking you just spent two weeks of your life hustling over without respectible craft-services.

Soon to join their "Screenplay Sucked" brethren ~ "Your Movie Sucked Anyway" and "Your Audition Sucked Anyway" will be on the shelves later this week. Also soon-to-be available at the Arclight, an assortment of our lovely break-up cards.

Arclight Cinemas
6360 W Sunset Blvd (between Vine and Ivar, with DeLongpre to the south) Los Angeles, CA
T: 323-464-1478
http://www.arclightcinemas.com/

The History of the Top Hat

2005-03-09T10:57:00.000-08:00

From renowned fashion historian John Berendt:

[The] "top hat caused a riot the first time it was seen in London. The perpetrator was a haberdasher name John Hetherington, who designed it, made it and was the first person to wear it into the street. According to a contemporary newspaper account, passersby panicked at the sight.

Several women fainted, children screamed, dogs yelped, and an errand boy’s arm was broken when he was trampled by the mob.

Hetherington was hauled into court for wearing 'a tall structure having a shining luster calculated to frighten timid people.'

It was much ado about nothing, really; Hetherington had merely concocted a silk-covered variation of the contemporary riding hat, which had a wider brim, a lower crown, and was made of beaver. There was initial resistance to Hetherington’s silk topper from those who wanted to continue wearing beaver hats. But in 1850 Prince Albert started wearing top hats made of "hatter’s plush" (a fine silk shag), and that effectively settled the questions; coincidentally it also all but wiped out the beaver-trapping industry in America. "

And we say, if that's not eEvil, what the hell is?

Advantages of the Cape

2005-03-08T16:39:00.000-08:00

In a world filled with jackets, coats, and even so-called hoodies, the cape has long been ignored as a choice for keeping off the cold and stepping out in style.

Imagine the entrance you would make at your favorite watering hole if you gave up your trite hipster jacket and exchanged it for a long black cape (hood optional). We believe you would find yourself to be the instant (and profoundly gratified) talk of the joint.

While the fashion-forwardness of the cape is an important consideration, we would also like to point out that the cape also has certain, er, eEvil advantages to other outerwear.

Number one: It's almost impossible for anyone to know what you have under that thing. It is ideal for masking an uncomely handbag or man-bag, a variety of salty snacks, and any other items you might find helpful in making your night (or day) a success, including but not limited to: important business documents, a change of attire, cigarettes, your coin purse, rope, and small furry mammals.

Number two: In addition to masking things, the cape also masks less than flattering aspects of you. Have you recently found that your stomach, behind, or the unwholesome growth on your right arm have started to expand? We say, why waste your time on exercise or ointments, when you can simply hide away your unseemly parts beneath a cape!

Recommended cape accessories include stove-pipe hats, elaborately waxed moustaches, and eEvil Ink t-shirts. A certain amount of chest hair and chutzpah is also suggested.

Cultivating Your Stink Eye

2005-03-04T12:52:00.000-08:00

For those of you who are unfamiliar with the concept of the evil eye it is "the name for a sickness transmitted by someone who is envious, jealous, or covetous. It is also called the invidious eye and the envious eye...The evil eye belief is that a person -- otherwise not malific in any way -- can harm you, your children, your livestock, or your fruit trees, by looking at them..."
--luckymojo.com

Here at eEvil Ink, we prefer the term "stink eye" to "evil eye." This variation on the term encompasses a greater range of the senses, implying that the eye not only looks foul, but contains a pungent smell.

And we work constantly to cultivate our stink eye powers! Of course, we ourselves are immune to the stink eye, since we stink eye each other back and forth to the point where we can simply laugh it off or, occasionlly, engage in a stink eye battle, wherein the curse to be transmitted gets caught in the middle of our locked stinky gazes and falls helplessly to the floor.

Still, we find our skills quite helpful in the face of slow-witted cashiers, most Los Angeles-area motor vehicle drivers, and certain round-bellied neighbors. Should you wish to cultivate your own stink eye powers, we recommend the following regimen:

1. While having dinner with friends, transporting yourself on a bus or train, or at the office, close your eyes and then open them as suddenly and widely as possible.

2. Direct your gaze towards your target.

3. Gradually, squint one eye while arching the brow of the other. (Note: you will soon learn whether you're a righty or a lefty.)

4. While it is not strictly necessary, and certainly not for amatuers, a sneer or curl of the lip adds an extra urgency to the stench of your stink eye.

5. With the remaining fully opened eye (the one under the arched brow) unblinkingly stare at the object of your curse with as much hatred and and anger as you can muster. Draw from your childhood or teenage experiences if necessary.

6. Sustain as long as possible.

7. If you do not find instant results, never fear! We are quite sure your victim will remember your stinky gaze.

In the meantime, and we cannot emphasize this enough, practice, practice, practice! Soon, it will become a natural reflex, like breathing or tying your victims to railroad tracks.

Please note: DO NOT practice this in the mirror, unless you can duck with extraordinary speed and agility. It is possible you will become the victim of your own stench.

And truly, it is foul.

If for some reason you are unable to perfect your stink eye technique, may we also reccomend choosing one of our break-up cards for your victim? We believe you will find that giving someone a card that reads "later f*cker" or "your band sucked anyway" will also achieve the desired effect.

Vacationing for the Masses

2005-03-03T09:52:00.000-08:00

Even villains long for a bit of a get-away now and again, riding the rails to their secret lairs; sunning themselves casually by the pool with a mai tai, sorting out their plots for world domination, reading absurdly long New Yorker articles; snorkeling from time to time.

Apparently, though, the rest of the world prefers to travel en masse, all going to the same destinations. According to the American Society of Travel Agents, for the socially, er, challenged, the North American places to avoid are as follows:

Top 5 Destinations For Skiing:

1. Vail.
2. Whistler, B.C.
3. Park City.
4. Salt Lake City.
5. Jackson Hole

Top 5 Destinations For Shopping:

1. New York City
2. Chicago
3. Locally
4. Las Vegas
5. Mall of America/Minneapolis (If you happen to be in Minnesota, you should also take the time to have a tacone at Cone Eddie's Cone Shack. You won't be disappointed.)

Top 15 Winter Vacation Destinations:

With Kids:

1. Orlando
2. Disney : Disney general
3. Disney World
4. Disney Land

Couples Under 40:

1. Cancun
2. Caribbean
3. Mexico
4. Hawaii
5. Las Vegas

Couples Over 60:

1. Cruises
2. Hawaii
3. Florida
4. Las Vegas
5. Caribbean

SLU (so, like, um) we won't be seeing you there...

Joining the eEvil Empire

2005-03-02T15:17:00.000-08:00

It may surprise some of you to learn that, here at eEvil Ink, we actually do more than sit around and come up with funny cards and crack ourselves up. Yes, there are days like that, but plenty of other days where we have to go around acting like we run a business. Today, we decided we'd finally get our UPC sh*t together. Not that big of a deal really, just a little investment in time and money. The kicker is how much information those little monsters hold and how much they mean to the outside world.

For those of you who don't know your barcodes from your neighborhood bars, a bit of a primer:

UPC stands for universal product code. After you cough up your bucks, you're assigned a manufacturer number, so all the world knows who the hell made that thing you're holding. That's just the first six digits. The next six digits describe what the hell that thing you're holding is.

Now if people were barcoded, we'd all have our parents' manufacturers numbers, as well as a series of six digits that described the key elements about us--we could go around scanning each other and there would be no more mystery in the world. You would never have to say, what the f*ck is wrong with that guy? It'd be written all over his face.

And of course, you'd also know how many of him have been sold and whether or not you should re-order. If he is an eEvil Ink product, the answer of course is, yes, you should re-order and damn it, buy twice as many this time.

Speaking of Villainy...

2005-02-25T16:40:00.000-08:00

Reposted from www.anitaroddick.com, our favorite catch of the day in the sea of the "internets"....

DISPATCH: Genetically Modified Mesopotamia Posted on February 8, 2005 by Anita Roddick

Welcome to the new millennium, Iraq. Now, like farmers in many other developing nations, Iraqi farmers are no longer allowed to keep the seeds from their crops, even if those strains of seeds have been in their families and communities for centuries. No, now farmers will have to buy their seeds from massive megaconglomerates like Monsanto. It's all part of the new economic plan for the country from its liberators in Washington, DC and London. Like farmers elsewhere in the world, Iraqis will be forced to buy seeds from Monsanto or AstraZeneca which have been genetically modified to resist pests and weeds. Of course, they also require special chemicals and fertilizers, which are also only available from those companies. The result is the virtual enslavement of Iraqi farmers to Western corporations. And it's just plain wrong. This is profiteering on the backs of a people who did not ask for this. What kind of "freedom" are we spreading when it comes with the price of livelihood and tradition?

Read more about Anita Roddick, founder of the Body Shop, real live British "Dame", and activist here.

eEvilyn Diddley Scott, I Presume

2005-02-24T15:34:00.000-08:00

In case you've yet to do your reading up on the biography and habits of the mysterious stovepipe-hatted man on the back of our cards & t-shirts, may we introduce eEvilyn Diddley Scott? We also suggest learning the strange and wonderful history of his pants.

If that's not enough villainy for you, consider these thoughtful thoughts on the subject:

"An excellent man, like precious metal, is in every way invariable; A villain, like the beams of a balance, is always varying, upwards and downwards, himself his own dungeon. "
-Saskya Pandita, 1182-1251, Tibetan Grand Lama of Saskya

"As there is a use in medicine for poisons, so the world cannot move without rogues."
--Ralph Waldo Emerson, 1803-1882, American Poet, Essayist

"As for an authentic villain, the real thing, the absolute, the artist, one rarely meets him even once in a lifetime. The ordinary bad hat is always in part a decent fellow. "
--Sidonie Gabrielle Colette, 1873-1954, French Author

More Good Stuff Than You Can Shake a Stick At

2005-02-18T13:36:00.000-08:00

It has been, er, pointed out that if we are to discuss the cool stuff SOME of the people we know are doing [see indieIN below], it follows that we really should discuss the cool habits and so forth of ALL the people we know [at least as long as we can link to it.]

SLU [so, like, um], shall we begin?

In case anyone reading this doesn't know, eEvil Ink's very own Erich Schlieske is not the only Schlieske.
With that in mind.....

TODAY'S FEATURED SCHLIESKE IS........TINA!

Not to be missed live, Tina is just one of Erich's rock star sisters. Check her out at upcoming dates at SXSW and in Los Angeles.

3/19/2005
SXSW-Utne Reader Showcase at the Fox and HoundAustin, TX
4/2/2005
The Hotel Cafe - The Fallen Sisters of MercyLos Angeles, CA
5/7/2005
The Hotel Cafe - The Fallen Sisters of MercyLos Angeles, CA

Or listen to her stuff and get the whole story at www.tinabsides.com

............................................................

Moving on, we also think that anyone out there with a libido (read: adult human beings) should check out www.cocodemerusa.com. It's a little muy caliente for the office, so you may wish to wait till you get home to do your shopping for lingerie and other boudoir, er, accoutrements. But no one should miss an opportunity to visit the "world's most luxurious erotic emporium."

And, by the way, it's really a beautiful website...the best we've seen, well, since ours (www.eevil.org)! No really, it's much nicer...

Ok...I think that should keep you all busy for a while...

And The Award for Best Email Fwd of the Week

2005-02-18T09:43:00.000-08:00

goes to Justine, for this updated twist on a classic lightbulb joke:

Q: How many Bush Administration officials does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None. There is nothing wrong with the light bulb; its condition is improving every day. Any reports of its lack of incandescence are illusional spin from the liberal media. Illuminating rooms is hard work. That light bulb has served honorably, and anything you say undermines the lighting effort. Why do you hate freedom?

Introducing indieIN!

2005-02-18T09:26:00.000-08:00

For those of you who have cleverly jumped on the indie film bandwagon, we'd like to introduce our new pal www.indieIN.com.

The brain child of our good friend (and talented writer) Michelle Bryant, indieIN.com puts moviephone and friendster in a blender to satisfy ALL your indie urges. The goal of indieIN is to help create an audience for independent film that extends beyond the typical urban areas.

Writes indieIN, [We] "refuse to believe that people who live on the coasts of the country are the only ones interested in seeing, learning and experiencing independent film."

So check it out. There are also some really cool banner ads from eEvil Ink on the site. Or well, we like them anway.

Rise and Shine Pix

2005-02-17T13:27:00.000-08:00

Alright already, here are some pix from the Rise and Shine Show, including making our monster break-up card for Mr. Bush:

And some of our great new T-shirts: [www.eevil.org/t_shirts.html to see more]

And, at last, the event itself:

"Erich engages in exciting political debate."
[Rise and Shine T-shirts as pictured above on sale at www.eevil.org/t_shirts.html]

"Our t-shirts lay in wait; ready to strike at any moment."

eEvil Ink Tees and Cards At Pull My Daisy

2005-01-25T14:25:00.000-08:00

eEvil Ink Tees and cards are now available at Pull My Daisy in Silverlake.

They've got a mix of good stuff including "Your Band Sucked Anyway," "Non-Committal, "and "The 80s are Back...Politically" tees, as well as break-up cards and (for those more romantically inclined) our brand spankin' new line of hook-up cards, red-hot and in time for the upcoming V-Day holiday.

Pull My Daisy
Open from noon to 7pm daily.
3908 Sunset Blvd
Los Angeles, CA 90029-2242
T: 323 663 0608

Thanks To Y'All

2005-01-25T14:12:00.000-08:00

Thanks to all the artists and others who helped make Rise and Shine : The Counter Inaugural Ball a success.

We had a great turn out, and would particularly like to thank all those who came to set-up and break-down the show, DJ Goodfoot for keeping the night moving, Lizi Ederi and Haziza Santa Monica for hosting the show, Aimee Hyatt for helping to get the word out, and all those who contributed to Direct Relief International's Tsunami Reflief Fund.

If you missed the show, but happen to be in Santa Monica, be sure to stop by and check out work that is still on display from Daphne Khoury and Jay Whitcomb, as well as fabulous (if we do say so ourselves) hand-printed T-shirts from eEvil Ink.

Rise and Shine To Contribute to Tsunami Relief Rund

2005-01-07T16:06:00.000-08:00

It's Official!

The Counter Inaugural Ball will take place Saturday, January 15th, 2005, beginning at 6pm at Haziza Santa Monica, 1311a Montana Avenue, Santa Monica, CA 90403.

In lieu of a cover charge, we will be accepting donations for Direct Relief International's Tsunami Relief Fund. A southern California based non-profit organization, Direct Relief International has pledged that donations for tsunami relief will be used only for that purpose and not to cover administrative costs or other efforts.

For more information, please visit: http://www.directrelief.org

So donate what you can...and get ready for a night of art, live music, spoken word and more. (Plus complimentary refreshments...and yes, that includes booze). As of today, the line-up for the Counter Inaugural Ball includes:

Artists
Daphne Khoury
Jay Whitcomb
Bob Anthony
Sayoko

Photographers
Rebecca Wachtel
Oscar Jimenez
and others

Interactive art by
Sonik Mercury

Live music by
Shawn Pander
Jason Luckett
Tina Schlieske
Infrared Sunday

Spoken word and poetry by
Abraham Delacy
Emjay Olson
Michelle Bryant
and others

Also Featuring
DJ Goodfoot

And some smart ass stuff from
eEvil Ink Design

Rise and Shine is a group artists show that bridges the gap and unites all styles of art and expression. To learn more, read below...

Rise and Shine

2004-12-29T13:43:00.000-08:00

Ok boys and girls...time, date, and place have been more or less set for Rise and Shine: The Counter Inaugural Ball...although things are still subject to change...

Saturday January 15th 2005
Haziza Santa Monica
1311a Montana Avenue
Santa Monica CA 90403

6pm to midnight or....?

~Featuring~

*6 photographers *5 painters *4 musicians *4 poets *2 DJ's & we're still open to more

So mark yer calendars already and keep checking in for the lastest updates...

The Counter Inauguration Ball

2004-12-08T09:00:00.000-08:00

Trying to do our bit for some good in the world (there can be no eevil without good), we're currently working with photographer Rebecca Wachtel to produce Rise and Shine: The Counter Inauguration Ball. To be held in Los Angeles on January 15th, (the date of the presidential inauguration) the event will feature artists, musicians, performers, and political speakers.

If you're interested in participating, read on.....

Counter Inaugural Ball

Come painters, photographers, word smiths, musicians and closet politicians- come everybody

...Rise and Shine... it’s time to defeat mediocrity and ignorance. It’s time to stimulate and re-invent a counter culture to regain our dignity and prove to the world that we're more than a bunch of Bush-loving, TV watching, overweight, environmentally ignorant, homophobic, religious, war-mongering boobs.

Let’s meet the best minds of ALL generations.....

We're still looking for artists and musicians who want to participate, anyone who would like to volunteer their time to set-up, people willing to talk about worthy political agendas, and more...if you have an idea or want to get involved....like, get on it already.....

Contact Rebecca Wachtel at rpurpleisis@earthlink.com
Or get a hold of us at suckitup@eevil.org or thatonecat@eevil.org

Un-Holiday Cards

2004-12-08T08:57:00.000-08:00

Alright boys and girls.....hot off the presses and ready to send to your unwitting friends and family...our un-holiday cards are here and ready to spread holiday eevil.....